Your Ex Will Not Leave Your Home: How to Remove an Unmarried Partner Legally

You cannot change the locks and put an ex's belongings on the lawn, even if the house is yours alone. In most states a partner who has lived with you becomes something close to a tenant, and the exit runs through written notice and, if needed, the court.

Why self-help is risky

• Changing locks, shutting off utilities or removing belongings can be treated as an illegal eviction.
• The partner may recover damages, and some states add penalties.
• Police often step back and tell you to go to court, so a lockout can leave you with a bigger problem than the one you started with.

The usual steps

1. Decide whether the situation is safe. If there is violence or threats, skip to the protective order section below.
2. Give written notice to leave by a specific date. Many states expect 30 days for someone who has lived there a while, and some set shorter periods, so check your state's rule. Send it by a method that proves delivery and keep a copy.
3. Put in writing what you will do about their belongings, mail and keys on moving day.
4. If they stay past the date, file the court action your state uses, often called eviction, unlawful detainer or ejectment. A partner who paid nothing may still be entitled to this process.
5. Serve the court papers as required, attend the hearing with your deed, notices and any messages showing the stay was a favor, and ask the court for possession.
6. After a judgment, only the sheriff or marshal can carry out removal.

What shapes the process

• How long they lived there. Many states treat a long-term occupant as a tenant at will who must get proper notice.
• Whether they paid rent or shared costs, which supports tenant status.
• Whether they are on the deed or the mortgage. If they are an owner, you may need a different action, such as partition.
• Whether you have children together, which brings custody and support into the picture.
• Whether either of you can claim a common-law marriage in your state, which would change the rules entirely.

If there is violence or threats

A protective or restraining order can include an order to leave the home, and it can be faster than an eviction. Call 911 in an emergency, and see our guides to getting a restraining order and to leaving an abusive relationship. Some courts handle both the protective order and the right to stay in the home at the same hearing.

Money and property to sort out

Expect disputes about who paid for what. Take photos of the home, list items that belong to each of you, and keep texts about rent, bills and promises. A written move-out agreement can set the date, the key return and who pays what, which avoids a court case if both sides are willing. Our guides to cohabitation agreements and to squatters explain related rules.

A hypothetical timeline

A homeowner ends a relationship on March 1 and gives written notice to leave by April 1. Her partner stays. On April 3 she files for eviction, serves the papers, and a hearing is set for late April. At the hearing she shows the deed, the notice and the texts that say he paid no rent. The judge grants possession with a short move-out period, and the sheriff enforces it if he does not go. Having every date written down speeds the case.

A short notice you can adapt

State your name and the address, say the occupancy is ending, give a specific move-out date that meets your state's minimum notice, and say when and how keys and belongings will be handled. Keep it factual and calm, with no threats. Send it by two methods, such as certified mail and a hand-delivered copy with a witness, and keep proof.

Frequently asked questions