How to Get a Restraining Order: Step-by-Step Process, Evidence and What to Expect

A restraining order, also called a protective order, is a court order that can require someone to stay away from you and stop contacting you. The process is designed to be usable without a lawyer, though help is available. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Before you start

• If you are in danger now, call 911.
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233, thehotline.org) offers confidential support and safety planning.
• Local domestic violence programs and court advocates can help with forms and hearings, often free.
• Rules and forms vary by state and by the relationship between you and the other person.

The basic steps

1. Go to the court clerk's office or use the court's online process and ask for protective order forms.
2. Complete the petition describing what happened, with dates, places and specific acts.
3. Ask for an emergency or temporary order if you need immediate protection. A judge may decide this the same day, often without the other person present.
4. Have the other person served with the papers, usually by law enforcement or a process server.
5. Attend the full hearing, where both sides can present evidence. The judge decides whether to grant a longer order.
6. Keep a certified copy of any order with you and give copies to your workplace, school and childcare if appropriate.

What the order can include

• No contact by phone, text, email or social media.
• Stay-away distances from your home, work and school.
• Temporary custody and parenting time arrangements in some cases.
• Exclusive use of a shared home.
• Surrender of firearms in many states.
• Other protections the judge finds necessary.

Evidence to gather

Bring photos of injuries or damage, threatening messages and voicemails, police reports, medical records, witness names and a timeline of incidents. Save everything on a safe device or with a trusted person. Evidence is helpful but your own sworn account counts too.

What happens at the hearing

Arrive early, bring your documents and be ready to answer questions calmly and factually. The other person may respond and bring evidence. Judges can grant, deny, modify or set a time period for the order. Some states allow long-term or permanent orders in serious cases.

Safety planning

An order is a legal tool, not a guarantee. Consider changing routines, telling trusted people, securing your phone and accounts and working with an advocate on a plan. If the order is violated, report it to police.

Differences between order types

Domestic violence orders, civil harassment orders and stalking orders have different eligibility rules and procedures. See our guides on restraining orders versus orders of protection and on stalking laws.

Real-life scenarios

1. A person fleeing an abusive partner gets a same-day temporary order and a hearing date.
2. A tenant harassed by a neighbor files for a civil harassment order with a message log.
3. A parent uses an advocate to complete forms and prepare for the hearing.

Common mistakes to avoid

• Not describing specific incidents with dates.
• Missing the hearing, which can lead to dismissal.
• Not arranging service.
• Contacting the other person after filing in ways that confuse the case.
• Keeping the order at home instead of with you.
• Assuming the order protects against everything.

Questions to ask a professional

• Which type of order fits my situation?
• Can I get an emergency order today?
• What evidence should I bring?
• How will the other person be served?
• What does the order cover about children and firearms?

A practical action plan

1. Ensure immediate safety.
2. Contact an advocate or hotline.
3. File the petition and request a temporary order.
4. Arrange service.
5. Attend the hearing with evidence and carry the order.

Terms you may hear

• Petitioner: the person asking for the order.
• Respondent: the person the order is against.
• Temporary restraining order: a short-term order before the hearing.
• Service of process: formally delivering the papers.
• Protective order: another name for a restraining order.

Writing a clear petition

Describe the most recent incident first, then earlier ones, with dates, places, exactly what was said or done and any injuries or threats. Use plain, specific language rather than general statements like "he harasses me." Judges act on concrete facts, and clear writing makes the petition easier to grant.

Preparing for service and the hearing date

Ask the clerk how service works and who pays, and give accurate information about where the other person can be found. If the other person is not served, the hearing may be postponed. Bring copies of evidence for the judge and the other side, and keep originals.

Working with advocates and lawyers

Many courthouses have advocates who help with forms and can sit with you at the hearing. A lawyer can help if the other person has counsel, if children or property are involved or if criminal charges are pending. Ask legal aid or a domestic violence program about free representation.

Frequently asked questions